SPECIAL KIDS? Special indeed, but "precious" is more like it!

Switching gears witin the past month has been a little rough on my overall well-being, but despite how exhausting a days work can be, I love what I do.  More importantly, I love these kids.  After 5 years of working in the retail industry, I finally landed a career that better suits what I went to school for in the first place.

Before I even began working part-time as a substitute skills trainer, I had worries fo' dayz about what client I would be working with, what if I got spat on, bitten head-butted, tackled, scratched... what if I got dodo smeared on me?!?!  Oh hell to the no!  I know Brooks Brothers has the best wrinkle-free and odor-repellent apparel.  So where do I go for feces-repellent clothing?  Haha!  No, I wasn't seriously thinking that, but honestly my worries were endless!  Funny thing is, is that after having worked with several kids, no matter what their diagnosis, I was always smiling and giggling like a little girl about a thousand times a day, on average :o)  The only stressful part about my job is dealing with conflicts that arise with the adults whom are in some way connected to the child or the child's Individualized Educational Plan (IEP).  Luckily, I haven't encountered any major problems thus far, but I hear horror stories all the time about many people disagreeing about what they feel is best for the children.

SUBBING: Bottom line: It kinda sucks!  Reason no. 1 - The first week of calling in was like a dry spell, you know, kind of like the romance in my life!  Hahaha kidding!  Seriously though, I was calling in at 5:30 am to ask for available openings for a sub position and I got NADA.  The two weeks following turned out to be a lot better and by the end of the third week, I got a permanent case.  Reason no. 2 -  Okay so do you remember that one cool teacher back in high school? Young, hip, charming, got along well with the students, was hilarious, and laid back.  Yeah, remember now?  Do you also remember when you showed up to class one day and all of a sudden "Mr. Cool" was out sick and a stranger was standing in the front of the classroom with their name written in bold on the chalkboard.  It was kind of nice handwriting, too.  "Hi class, I'm Mr. 'Whats-his-face' and I'll be subbing for Mr. 'Cool' today."  It kind of throws off the alignment of everything.  Now you know your school day is going to be jacked because you don't know what to expect from the sub.  And that's what I feel like I'm doing to these kids.  I'm Ms. Whats-her-face and I came to replace Mr. Cool for the day :o(  It sucks to seem like the bad guy, but I'm really trying to step in and do my best for these kids (since Mr. Cool is still hanging from last night's punani patrol LOL).

After having subbed a couple of times my worries were out the door and my perspective about people in general has totally changed 10-fold after I met a girl whom I will call "baby girl" for privacy purposes.  Baby girl is mostly blind and deaf, non-verbal, & autistic.  When I first saw her walking off the handicap school bus, I noticed slight bruising on her head and a helmet attached to her backpack and I thought, "Oh no! Baby girl is a head banger!"  Upon introduction, she walked up to me, touched, and pressed her face against my chest to get acquainted with my scent.  Baby girl is lucky I showered that morning! Hahaha just playing, I'm always clean before work!!  Anyways, real talk, despite Baby girl being a high-profile case, she is super smart and totally capable of doing things that we, as fully functioning as we are, would NOT be able to do under such conditions.  Although she is blind and deaf, I believe that her other senses have extraordinary capabilities.  She knows when I'm around and she'll bolt up quickly to catch me if I'm not next to her.  She has superb sense of direction because she makes her way around campus effortlessly, can ascend and descend from stairs and over water hoses, uneven walkways without ever stumbling.  She can identify her friends through touch and scent--she is sooooo smart and such a lovable little girl!  A lot of the students around campus would greet her saying "Hi Baby girl," others just stare, but I was glad to see that most of them were respectful to her.  One student during lunch said "Hi Baby girl," and Honey girl next to him said, "I don't know why you said that to her, it's not like she can see!"  After overhearing that, I got a little defensive and told Honey girl [in my sweet adult voice of course], "It's okay Honey girl, he can say 'hi' to Baby girl if he wants to.  You see how she's looking in his direction?  Baby girl is smart and can sense that he's there."

Despite getting b*tch slapped, and at times rejected by these kids, they are amazing and have such a great capacity to love others and support their peers no matter what and that's what makes them different from high functioning students who only know of one world--their world.  In their world, they put down their classmates, call each other mean names, and refuse to support one another.  On the contrary, although autistic kids have deficiencies in communication and social interaction skills, they know how to give love and give support.  I've never heard an autistic or disabled kid put down any other child and it's sad that these are the ones that get teased in school.  They have two worlds--their world and the world that they are trying to become assimilated into.  I love and respect these kids so much and hope only for the best in regards to their future well-being!!   They truly are "special," and I'm not talking "special needs," but more so special as in precious little beings :o)

10-10-10: the new "New Year's Day!"

Ohmylanta! My first blog on blogger! This feels like the good old days when I used to blog on Xanga religiously when I was just a young teeny-bopper and I would give out props and comments like they were going out of style!

Anyways, YESTERDAY was truly a blessing in disguise! After spending most of my Friday and Saturday getting caught up with my paperwork, feeling stressed out, unmotivated about dancing, and being a total loner, yesterday came along and made up for my, what seemed to be, miserable weekend.

Sundays, in general, are always awesome because I look forward to going to church and praying for my family and friends--that they may look forward to another great week head! But the Sunday of 10-10-10 was definitely one to remember for me!

I started off by attending the 8 am mass at my family's catholic church. I greeted father Greg and was excited that he still remembers me by name :) Then I did a bank errand and headed to town to drop off my paperwork to our main office. Afterward, I headed to the mall to get my hair done from one of my hula-sisters. She does amazing work with my hair so why go anywhere else, right?! She had called me earlier to move back my appointment because the receptionist screwed up the schedule. I didn't mind at all and decided to just check out the shops. I bought some essentials from Whole Foods, a cheesecake yogurt to snack on, and a really cute romper for only $20. I didn't realize there was a sidewalk sale going on until I saw signs and then thought, "Oh geez, no wonder it was so hard for me to find parking!" I barely shop for clothes for myself so finding this cute denim romper was absolute joy for me! Most of my friends know that shopping is not something I do often. ShooOOoot, I still rock the clothes I've had from my sophomore year in high school! HAHAHA! Working retail has sort of turned me off to shopping, especially on busy holidays! I prefer to buy gifts in advance and avoid crowds at all costs! But anyways, back to the point--It felt good to be getting a lot of things on my "to-do" and "to-buy" list done.

Haircut time!! This would have to be the highlight of my day! For the past 12 years, I have had haircuts before, but I've always told the different stylists that I went to, "I'll do some layers, but can you keep my length long?" And if I wasn't paying for a haircut, I could always count on my mom to bust out her scissors and just give me the straight-across-trim. My look would change... very little because it was always a protocol to maintain the Polynesian Dancer profile. I truly loved having my long hair! I loved to braid it, curl it, not even dare to brush it, or just toss it in a bun sitting atop my head!! But this time when I went to see Pua I told her, "I don't really know exactly how I want it, but I do want it short... I absolutely trust you so do whatever you want to it!" This was her second time doing my hair. The first time, I had told her exactly what I had told other stylists in the past, but this time, I just totally let her have control of the scissors and she did an awesome job! I absolutely LOVE it!

Being a dancer can get rough at times because of the many restrictions and orders that we have when it comes to our appearance: remove piercings, conceal non-Polynesian influenced tattoos, grow out hair, no bangs, no manicures, no pedicures, tan body, watch figure :'( No one likes being told what to do, but as dancers we grew up around these unspoken rules and learned to accept them. Year after year of the same mundane things I just craved change and that's exactly what this hair cut accomplished for me: CHANGE! Before heading home, I showed another hula sister, Kapua, who works at the same salon, my new hair-do, and I totally loved her response! She said, "Oh my gosh marray! I love it! It's like for the first time you actually have a hairstyle and not just stuff that's attached to your head! I sooo love it and it's so light!" I love it too and I drove home feeling like a new woman! LOL! I know, sounds kinda dumb, but really I did!

I ended the night by having dinner at Ruby Tuesday's with a few of my former co-workers from Brooks Brothers. They are such awesome people. It was sooo nice to know that our friendship never changed! We laughed so hard and talked so much and the food tasted awesome! At this point I had realized that some things in life are better left unchanged--all other domains that we have control over, are changed with hopes for a better outcome.

Let's face it, everyone craves change once in a while. This was my change, my way of breaking the rules! And I feel so guilty for feeling this good being it's only the beginning of the week! Not only does my head feel sooo much lighter, but so does my SOUL! I feel like I just let go the past 12 years of my life. 12 years!! That's how long I have had the same long-haired hairstyle. There were some good years: great times, greater friends, and amazing accomplishments. But there were also bad years: regretful situations, awful people, and painful memories. It feels great to let go of all of that hair, to let go all of the hurt, and have a clean fresh start, as if yesterday was my "New Year's Day" =)