Sleep--A Fond Memory

I'm about 33 weeks into my pregnancy and I just can't seem to get in a good night's sleep :( Junior even went out of his way to buy me a boppy "pregnancy" pillow. It worked for a week with the help of some hot cocoa before bed, but last night was another bad night! I slept good until 2am, started tossing and turning in bed and attempting to get comfortable. Finally 2:30 came I ended up laying with my eyes wide awake until Junior's alarm for work went off at 5am :(

There are so many things that I miss about not being pregnant and sleep of course tops the list... But aside from that, not being able to dance is a biggie!! It's hard for me to even fathome that I went from dancing to almost every single day of my life since my adolescence to not doing it at all since August! I definitely feel bored, saggy due to the lack of muscle usage, and of course a lack of confidence. Dancing always gave me some kind of self security... that every time I stepped into the zone, no one could harm me, and that regardless of how much sweat and pain I had to endure, I still felt beautiful... Even without all the show make-up and gaudy costumes because looking the part really is only half the battle. When you dance with passion and grace, no one can touch you. And that's what real dancing is about--feeling the music and being so alive in it.

Another struggle in my life is my mom's care home. Since I have stopped working, I have been spending a lot of time at home, I get to witness what my mom deals with every day, seven days a week. It's no wonder my mom is so stressed and I can't blame her for taking it out on my dad and I, no matter how much we try to help her :( It's a hard career and I haven't given her the credit that she deserves for working so hard my whole life to be able to bring in half of the earnings for this family. And my dad works so hard to help her, on top of the overtime that he puts in at his regular job. I love my parents so much and hope that I can help them more so they can relax and also be able to work and take care of my soon to be bundle of joy.

I was brought to realize this about my mom just the other day, when she got upset about one of her patients constantly peeing his bed and how she's tired of having to waste her energy and money for the electricity bill always having to clean up after his mess when all he does is lay down, and eat all day. It's so simple for him to just get up and walk to the bathroom but instead he chooses to pee in his pants and the bed so that he doesn't have to interrupt whatever he is watching by going to the bathroom... In response to her scolding him he kept telling my mom "Fuck you!" continuously! And then made a comment that he would give her something more nasty [whatever in the world that supposed to mean] "/ I guess my mom has been doing for so long that these kinds of occurrences don't shake her, but it hurts me to hear my mom get disrespected like that!!

Well these are the thoughts that have pretty much occupied my mind this week. Last week I was able to enjoy some fun in my friend's swimming pool! It was so relaxing. I felt light as a feather, until I came out of the pool :( I hope that I will be able to enjoy more pool time before I give birth... It really calms and relaxes my mind... Something that I definitely need more of :)