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H A P P Y . N E W . Y E A R !

The New Year has been great so far! I'm as plump as can be, but I sincerely could not be anymore grateful for everything that I have in life thus far... still hoping and praying for a healthy baby :0)

Resolutions... This year, I resolute to be

1) Frugal, esp. with a baby on the way and no job at the moment.
2) Less paranoid--I've been watching too many murder/crime shows lately that I have been having a hard time sleeping at night because I'm afraid that someone will break into my house and murder me :'( I can recall having these kind of fears even as a child :(
3) Help out my parents more with the physical household duties
4) Give more--in any and every way possible!

Last Day of 2011

These last few days of 2011 have been so busy that I haven't had the chance to blog about Christmas, but I am not complaining because nothing beats being the company of great and amazing people!!

• December 17-Pajama Party with a group of my best friends
• December 22-Christmas Party Reunion with friends I've made from the Alaka'i Malama Academy
• December 23-Christmas Lunch Date with my best friends Chris, Ian, PJ, Abe, and Melenj
• December 23-Ma'ohi Nui Christmas Party with my hula sisters and brothers
• December 24-Christmas Eve spent openning presents with the Burgess' then Midnight Mass with MY family, Abi, and Hallie
• December 25-Christmas Day spent with both sides again.
• December 26-Registered at Babies 'r' Us
• December 28-Surprise Birthday Dinner for Sharon Sonson
• December 30-Birthday Dinner for Shayna Muhammad

So many great events leading up to 2012.  I spent today, cleaning and helping my mom and aunties prepare a feast for the New Year!  I know I have had a negative attitude about them prior to this blog, but on Christmas Day, I asked my Jesus if it was too late to change my Grinchy-attitude and if I could still ask for his forgiveness.  Since then I have been more loving and happy towards them and try to carry on with helping my mom!!  We did a lot of cleaning and preparing today... now, I must get ready to go to a bbq with my baby's daddy and his family :D

Cookie also has a new bed, which is under the soft blanky, courtesy of my loving sister, Tine :0)

She looooves it soooo much!!! Thanks Tine!!

Have a safe celebration everyone!! More pictures to come :)

19 Days Left in 2011

    With the year nearing its end, there are still a couple of things I wanted to do to make this year complete.  Every year I'm always good and punctual with gathering a lot of my "pre-loved" belongings and donating them to my local Goodwill bin and writing out donations to the St. Jude Foundation and Children's AIDs foundation, but this year I've slacked :( I know that I've given a lot of clothes and money to my family that has moved to Hawaii earlier this year... and along with their Christmas presents, I think I've given them more than enough!!  They are not the only people in need.

    Christmas cards :0)  I love receiving Christmas cards, especially when I get so see my friend's Holiday photos.  I thought of sending some out this year as well in hopes that it'll reach my recipients in a timely fashion.  It seemed like a great idea to me at first, but then I really thought about it... my baby's daddy and I aren't married so to me it seems silly to say, "Merry Christmas!  Love, Jax and Junior and fetus" versus, "Merry Christmas!  Love, The [Franklins]"  We're not really a family-unit yet so I'll hold off until next year :0)

    ****Okay, sorry this has nothing to do with the last 19 days of 2011, but I need to vent, like right now!  So my mom had asked me to prepare lunch for her patients.  Previously when I was working full time, my dad would help her w/ caring for them and just recently my mom's sisters would also help since they just moved here and couldn't find jobs that they liked.  But today, my dad is still in Guam and it's one of those days where her sisters left the house, probably gallivanting and spending the money my mom gives them.  My dad and I are my mom's primary substitute care-givers so we KNOW how to do these things and we don't get paid to help her.  Anyways, I had something baking in the oven for the patients and moments later my mom's sisters arrive back at the house.  I specifically told them that I was already preparing their meals and I would monitor their food and I would remove it from the oven WHEN IT WAS READY!  So I left for a while to continue w/ my blog and with all that being instructed my stupid Aunty removes what I had baking minutes prior to it being done and the both of them were constantly asking, "Is it cooked? Is it cooked?" ...This is me in my head knowing that the meat is un-fucking-cooked [OH MY FAHHHKING GOODNESS!!!  ARE YOU FRIKKEN KIDDING ME?!?!?  Did you not hear what I had told you... that I would remove it from the oven WHEN IT WAS READY!]  I ovbiously cannot stand them and I know the only reason why they are SOOOOO willing to help is because my mom pays them to help because after a couple of months not finding a job they decided to settle with not working.  They're too fucking lazy to go out and look for real jobs like the rest of us Americans have to do.  Gunfunnit it took me fucking 8 months to find the job I wanted and this was AFTER COLLEGE... with a degree!  I don't want my mom to have to keep working just to continue to give them an income... these fuckers have to learn on their own!!!!!!  Yes, I know I'm not working now, but I intend to when baby is here and I have some monies saved up.  I'm so maaaaaad at them!!!! UGGGHHH!!!!****

    Okay so back to my blog... So, my dad has been gone since October and the job was only supposed to be for 3 weeks, meaning he was supposed to be back before, if not by November 12, 2011, my birthday :0( as of today, December 12, 2011.  He is not back yet.  Delay after delay after delay!!!  I am upset with his job!!  He has already missed Halloween, my birthday, my mom's birthday, Thanksgiving weekend, and at this rate, most likely Christmas too :0(  I just hope that he returns home in the next 19 days that are left in this year.

    Usually during this time, I like to gather up ideas for resolutions for the upcoming year.  Working out or staying fit is usually somewhere on that list, but this year I feel it is especially crucial since I'm gaining weight with child.  I was going through some of my old files and found some old photos.  And although I don't have a clear set of New Year's Resolutions for 2012, I can use the photos that I found as motivation for whatever I resolute to do hehe!!

    Wish me luck ;0)  Have a blessed "19 days everyone!"  Now, I'm off to gather some things to donate!  Love you all!!

Last Christmas

It's almost hard to believe that this year is coming to an end!  Last Christmas doesn't seem so long ago.  I spent the Holidays practicing day in and day out for our Tahitian group's Christmas Production over at the Aloha Tower.  Who knew that, that was to be the last Christmas I'd spend being myself--meaning the pre-pregnant me hehe!  And although the year seemed to have gone by so quickly, my pregnancy just seems to draaaag day by day :0(  I seriously can't wait for baby to come so I can hold my precious angel in my arms instead of in my womb.

Along this journey I was able to take some maternity pictures.  In the beginning when I had arrived home from our Japan dance tour I already knew in my head that if I decided to take any pictures with child, I didn't want to do the typical beach photos that a lot of expecting mothers take only because these days, the beaches are crowded w/ photo shoots!  I remember our family did a shoot during the New Year and our photographer said she would "photoshop people out of the scenery." I didn't want something "made or photoshoped."  I wanted something simple, natural, and wow!  Here are just a few of the photos that were taken by my awesome friend, Ian Susa.  All I can say is that it pays to do your homework and that I have the greatest friends ever!!

The holidays always gets me in a cheerful mood!  I love when my mom and I get together to "Deck the Halls" We bought our Christmas tree and I got to decorate it this year... no it's no Rockefeller Center tree, in fact it's quite small and meek :0)

I also wanted to display some of the cool gifts that I got.  [Ever since I was little I didn't have the patience to wait for Christmas to open gifts.  I'd always creep under the tree and tear little holes in the wrapping paper just to get a little sneak hehe!]

My boyfriend got me and ipad!!!!!  Okay so some of the things I did gift myself lol, but doesn't mean that I ONLY shop for myself... no, no, NOOO, not at all!

Aside from the gifts that I've bought for family and friends, I am still helping my mom financially to help HER FAMILY make a living.  Some days I don't mind, but other days I think about how soon I will have a family of my own and I can't be always throwing my money here and there to help them!!  And it hurts me a lot and I get so emotional because the kids don't appreciate the sacrifices that I've had to make.  I had to give up my room for them, our pets suffer having to live outside because of them, I've given clothes to them, bought groceries for them, give my mom money for their rent and other things.  No, these kids don't know that a portion of the money comes from me.  They don't know how to take care of MY family's home.  They don't know who pays the electricity bills and cleans up the kitchen and bathroom after them.  They don't know how much it hurts me to be in this situation and I sometimes feel that my mom even forgets.

Today is one of my cousin's birthday.  My mom wants to throw a pizza party and asks me for money to pay for it.  I overheard one of my aunts asking how much it would cost and my mom said, "No, it's okay!  I got it!"  Oh **crinkled forhead** well doesn't she mean that I (her daughter) GOT IT!  Then, of course the kids will eat all the food and leave nothing for me... as usual!  I think they just assume I'm invisible and I'm not hungry :0(  I've been feeling this way for a very long time and I'm constantly battling my thoughts to just be nice because my mom tells me constantly to not scold them, but it's so hard!!  How could I not scold them?!  On top of everything I've previously mentioned my cousins even dared to look at porn on my computer--which was in my room--without my consent!!!

If there's really anything I would want for Christmas... it would be to have peace in this home once again and for my parents to get a break from her relatives taking everything from them :0(  Hopefully this will be the last Christmas that I will spend having to feel this way :0(

UPDATE: The kids ate all the cheetos :'( but it's okay because I always start to feel bad because of the happy smiles on all of their faces.  Here's the second round of gifts for my family that is not overseas.  The santa sacks are for the kids filled with candy goodies and some money... key word is some money because hello?!  Aunteh not rich! HAHAHAHAHA!

H A P P Y . H O L I D A Y S . E V E R Y O N E !!!

A season of THANKS and GIVING :))

The fastest time of the year is now approaching!  Don't blink because you might miss all the joyous celebrations and festivities to come!

My dad has been in Guam for well over a month already and he has missed my birthday, my mom's birthday, and Thanksgiving :( I hope that the submarine gets fixed so that my father along w/ the other workers can come home and spend the rest of the Holidays with their families!

This past week was spent gift shopping for my nephews, sisters, and their families in the mainland.  I was able to wrap the gifts strategically ensuring that they would fit into the postal service flat rate boxes and also so that the kids would have numerous presents to open up come Christmas and their birthdays (since both of the boys' birthdays are near Christmas and New Years).

Today on Thanksgiving is my mom's youngest sister's birthday and it's also the day that my little baby is 24 weeks!  I spent the lunch having a joyous meal with my baby's daddy and his side of the family over at Tsukiji restaurant.  It was a great time and we were both stuffed.  We arrived back at my place to do a Thanksgiving get together here and my bf has been knocked out since... it's 5pm :/  We both have to work tomorrow :(

I am so thankful for my little angel growing inside of me, for He who listens to my prayers, for family, for friends, for my cute pets, for good times and bad times, for mother Earth and father Sky, for the clean water and clean air that I get to consume, for good health, shelter, and safety, for vehicles to travel in, for love, for Yanni, for compassion in the world, for the Holidays to come... I am oh sooo THANKFUL for everything!!!!

Lots to be THANKFUL for :)

I haven't blogged in a while.  So much has happened in the past couple of months that I haven't had the energy to be normal, but then again since I've been pregnant, nothing about me has been normal.

Nothing much happened in September.  I'm usually so organized with my life and schedule, but I haven't even touched my planner to schedule a date since who knows when, I can't even recall.  Pregnancy has got me being quite anti-social :/ I've been refusing to go out and refusing to have my picture taken lol.  I just feel sick all the time.  My job at State Farm is not my forte.  I'm definitely not happy sitting in an office.  I spoke with my previous employer and plan to go back to working with Special Needs kids--they need me and I definitely need them!  The job was hard, but I was happier there :)

In mid-October I finally got my room back :) and although I got to put some organization back into my life by putting my room back together, I realized that every thing else has been out of order since our relatives moved here :'(  I can't find majority of my scrap-booking materials or our family's Yanni CD's!!  I'm so sad about that, but at least my mom and I were able to find our Christmas decorations and I got to help her put them up in November.....

November, dear, sweet November :) My birth month and this month by two amazing friends tied the knot [Congratulatory shout-out to Mr. and Mrs. Balmonte!  Love you both].  I'm about 5 months into my pregnancy and although my morning sickness isn't as bad as it was during 6 weeks to 14 weeks, it's definitely still hanging around :( I won't disclose gender of little baby or possible names that we like, but daddy and I have it all kinda-sorta figured out lol.  I'm really glad that he's been so supportive and loving despite my usual grouchiness!!  This month I put in my formal resignation at State Farm to take care of my mental health and baby ;) I notice that I'm also more grouchy and forgetful.  I also have a tendency to want to be alone more and more often.  During this month I have also noticed that I have lost my ability to hold my pee lol!  I think I should invest in depends diapers haha!  Yeah, I haven't been doing my kegel exercise as I should be :/ tsk tsk, shame on me!

I admit that I do miss dancing!!  I miss going to dance gigs and hanging out with my hula sisters and brothers.  I miss it so much that I still go back once in a while to chime in and get a little exercise in, but mostly to support my dance-family in their upcoming competition which I wish so much to be a part of :0(

Today is my mother's birthday :D My dad's been gone for about a month now and doesn't know when he will return home because 2 submarines broke down in Guam so he's there helping to repair them.  He won't be back by Thanksgiving.  Today my cat Nohea is sick :'( I'm so sad, I love her :(

Well I know this blog has been kinda random.  Just trying to catch everyone up on everything that has been happening.  Hopefully I'll be back to blog about Thanksgiving for we have so much to be thankful for :D Have a great one everybody!! xoxo's

A Life Changed!

I'm baaack!  I don't even know where to pick up.  It seems like ages since I've last blogged.  I guess I'll go ahead and sum things up in bullet points before I get into my main topic:

• At the end of May I ended my career as a paraprofessional and took a job offer from my insurance agent to work for State Farm... "Get to a better state," but I wouldn't say that the grass is always greener on the other side =/ 
• With taking on a new job that started in June throughout mid-July, I've been working 40hr weeks, studying religious for the insurance producer exams, practicing tues/thurs nights and saturday mornings during the week and performing at gigs with Maohi Nui on top of all of that... all the extra activities and obligations that I had going on were just wearing me down.
• Also in the beginning of June I moved out of the house because I was forced to be without a room in my own home because my mom surprised me with the fact that her siblings and their families would be moving into our house.
• July was crazy on top of everything going on, couple of us dancers were getting ready to go on tour to Japan on July 18-30th... 12 days :(  Extra rehearsals were required and a lot of new costumes needed to be made.  I was exhausted... so exhausted that the week before tour, I was running a fever of 103.7 degrees.  I was miserable with the chills, recurring headaches.  I felt miserable and I knew that I had still A LOT to get done :(
• Finally in August, moved back home.  My sleeping quarters consist of a fold up cushion pad in the living room tucked right under our piano.  My parents offered their bed, but my dad recently hurt his back.  Sleeping on the floor and having no room is NO FUN AT ALL, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.  Also, upon returning home from tour I found out the most life-changing news that completely threw me for a loop...

I'M GOING TO HAVE A BABY!!

The very moment after I pee'd on that stick in a hotel room in Japan and saw the plus sign form all I could think was "This is soooo weird," while the other dancers bid me congratulations, I couldn't help but worry about all the stress that I've put on myself and baby prior-to and from that moment of "knowing" I knew that I needed to change my lifestyle and I knew that nothing else in the world was more important than the life and well-being of my little jelly bean :D

So now we're in the month of September this coming Thursday I'll be 13 weeks.  Let me just say that every pregnancy is definitel different because while almost every celebrity looks absolutely stunning carrying their lady lump around town, I on the other hand am a miserable train-wreck!  It's no overstatement when I say that the smell and taste of everything makes my stomach turn and my morning sickness lasts well passed the morning hours into the afternoon, night time, and I even wake up in the middle of my sleep feeling nauseous.  So I end up walking around to sooth my stomach or I even cry because of how miserable I feel :(

Work is also a different story.  If I could call in sick every day just to stay at home and rest, trust me, I would, but right now work is a necessity and it is my only obligation... the only thing I need to get through so I can one day afford a house for my future family to live in and save up for a good college education for my little jelly bean.  Of course I haven't forgotten about the baby stroller, car seat, diapers, etc.

I never thought driving would be such a difficult task!!  I get super nauseous in car rides, especially when I'm driving.  Sitting or waiting in restaurants make me sick to stomach because I hate the smell of food cooking!  That fresh smell of coffee perking every morning makes my stomach turn.  The scent of my deodorant, lotions, and hair shampoo make me gag fo' dayz because I think those smells absolutely reek!  Brushing my tongue causes my meals come streaming out of me (I know right... soooo gross).  French fries taste so frikken nasty... and last one, but definitely not the least, water!!  Yesss, water tastes so yucky :( but I'm lucky I can force it down every day, but it has to be super cold, if not, it'll come right back up.  The reason why I drink so much water during the day is because I'm afraid of getting headaches because my mom refuses to give me any kind of medication for it (yes even after the dr. deemed tylenol to be absolutely safe).

Once my OB confirmed my pregnancy, I bought the book What to Expect When You're Expecting.  As informative of a book it is, it still sucks!  It makes for a great horror story!  This book literally scares the living crap out of me!!  Telling me that my nipples may bleed, my anus muscles will hurt, syndromes, diseases, how my skin color may change--and I'm not talking pretty and vibrant colors the way chameleons do.  How hairy I'll get, how morning sickness gets worse then goes away or may even last throughout the whole 9 months, or even how a cesarean scar could hurt for the rest of your life!  Oh my gosh maybe it's just me, but it makes pregnancy seem like a living nightmare!

As fearful, worried, and miserable as I am EVERY DAY... of course there are a few things that I am thankful for:

• Preggie pops & Zofran.
• My hardworking & nurturing other half whom most of the time flies off island for work, but still never fails to make baby and I his priority :)
• And my amazing family and friends (you know who you are ;) ) for being understanding of my needs and for having my back when I needed it most!  I have an awesome support system :D 

Now, I'd like to end this blog with a little prayer.  I have missed mass for the past three weeks now and I ask for forgiveness because the church is such a powerful and wondrous home, but my nausea gets really bad being around the scents and fragrances of others, but I never fail to give thanks every day and I do my best to live with the compassion and humility that He possesses.

Mary, my Mother, grant that my little children may instruct me in the ways of God. Let their innocent eyes speak to me of the spotless holiness of Jesus. Let their open smiles remind me of the great love God has for his creatures. Let their helplessness teach me the unbounded power of God. May their first feeble efforts to speak call to mind the wisdom of the Almighty. May their simple trust in me lead me to cherish a like confidence in God. May my love for God be stimulated by the deep-rooted affection my children have for me. May I in all these things grow in a greater appreciation of my holy motherhood. Mary, I trust in you to obtain this favor for me. Amen.
Mother of Mothers, pray for me!